Welcome Back to my blog, that’s directed at both you and me! Whatever you read, the experts all agree to make a blog interesting and keep readers engaged you must write consistently. So what does Kate do, write once a week for 8 months, build up a small but lovely bunch of readers and then poof, disappear! It reminds me of a book I loved as a kid, what Katy did, not what she was supposed to do anyway. Well I have a very good excuse, the best excuse ever I think, and that is, I’m pregnant!
After years of trying to conceive, kind and empathetic doctors in hushed tones telling me I would never have children, lots of drugs and lots and lots of tears, my partner and I never gave up and here I am, the wrong side of 40 and six and a half months pregnant. Don’t worry this is not the start of 100’s of mummy and me style blog entries. This is, after all, an arts and culture blog and remains one, but it is my art and culture adventures and this is an integral part of my adventure.
The whole journey has made me think about priorities and sacrifice. Last summer, I gave up my ‘career’ job to focus on this journey. I knew that stress was a massive factor in failing to conceive and I looked at ways to eliminate that stress. The biggest sacrifice here was, no doubt, the salary! As anyone involved will tell you, making money as an artist is no walk in the park. I took a part time, stress free job to help with a little steady income and in the dark hours of “what have I done” my wonderful man was by my side to tell me – we have a plan, we just stick to the plan!
So where did my art go when I found out the great news, it went out the window! I fulfilled any orders I got but other than that, radio silence. The orders dried up and I got very complacent about the whole thing. I walked by my studio countless times and thought, I really must do something but yep – tumbleweed. I even turned down a solo exhibition and a group show. Why? Well I was terrified, terrified if I worked too hard I would lose the baby, terrified if I began to believe the baby would really come then the dream would end and so I lived in a bubble of anxiety for the first few months. This continued, until the consultant, talking about my delivery said; “one way or another you are having a baby and it is my job to get that baby out!”
Then I started to believe things might be ok. But still no art. About 10 days ago, I was contacted by a lady who’s husband I had done a piece for last Christmas and she wanted something similar for a gift. I loved making it. I loved the whole process really, right down to going to the post office and sending it off. I thought about the plan. The plan was to start my own art business, enjoy making art and if the stars aligned for us, to have a baby and although there have been lots of detours, it’s a good plan, I just need to stick to it.
So I am back, back painting, back blogging and even back with some social media presence. I have a few exhibitions and events I am really looking forward to telling you about. I have some new ideas I am looking forward to trying out and above all, I am looking forward to making some art.
My decision to change paths was, and remains, a massive leap of faith but, so far, it is paying off. As I sit here and type I can feel little kicks in my tummy, just magical. So I guess if the last year has taught me anything, it is to take that leap of faith in your future and follow that dream and you just never know…